Right, I have slept on it and I think I have come up with a workable solution. Here is what we are going to have to do:
I appreciate that this leaves a few people on the wrong side of the line to people who agree with them. So, in the interests of fairness, we give it about a week for everyone to reorganise themselves and then we start to build a wall. Wales and Cornwall can come with us, because they are of similar celtic origins and they have an almost equal belief in the utter twattery of David Cameron and Michael Gove.
Oh, and we get to keep the coal and gas. We also have better pies.
‘Down South’, as it will probably become known, gets to keep Bluewater and Tunbridge Wells. London will have to make a decision as to which side it chooses but we won’t be able to guarantee anything, as if it does come with us it is very likely it won’t be the capital anymore. First sign of it trying to throw its weight around and it can take its chances with the South. We won’t be doing any airlifts of Tunnock’s teacakes and Yorkshire Tea.
I appreciate this is a lot to take in, but I am sure once everyone has had a think, they will realise it is the best way to resolve our current impasse.
Cheerio, South of England. It was fun while it lasted.
Original picture via the BBC Election site. Doctored by Julia.
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